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Showing posts with label family in islam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family in islam. Show all posts

Saturday, May 26, 2012

How Good Should You Be To Your Parents?

Saturday, May 26, 2012 - by Unknown · - 0 Comments

How Good Should You Be To Your Parents?


  The Qur'an says : Be thankful to Me and to your Parents ...Surah Luqman verse 14. We can thank Allah in many ways.. by worshipping him...obeying him... But is a mere "Thank you" or a card on "Parent's day" or just a hug with no warmth, enough to display our thank to our parents?

   Among the verses which we hear the most in our sermons, seminars and personal advices is " Be good to your parents"  Can goodness be measured? Can you take  a stock of your goodness?  NO ! But can Allah take stock of my goodess? Yes. If you study the verses related to the the rights of parents you will come  across many injuctions that gives us a good parameter to atleast analyse how good we are to our parents, rather how bad we are to them.

    In Surha Baqarah verse 83, Allah says : We taook a promise from the Bani Israel that they will not worship any one besides Allah and will be kind to  their parents... The arabic phrase is : Wabil Walidayn ihasana...Ihsan in Urdu means to oblige someone. But in Arabic it means : To offer the best. The root word "Ha Seen Noon" has another word " Husna" which means "To beautify".  Now if study the phrase again, we read it " and "Beautify your conduct towards your parents" How does one beautify his conduct. or offer a best conduct?

    Ihsan also means better response for good , good for evil and it reflects in speech and action. In speech, the Qur'an gives and example inn Surah Nisaa..And when a  courtesou greeting is offered to your respond it with better.. the Arabic phrase for better response is..with ahsan...Ahsan is a superlative degree of good.. and the Hadith explains this verse : when some body says Assalamualaikum.. you reply him : walaykumussalam warahamtullah wabarakatuhu... Rahmatullahi and Barakatuhu are better reponse...

   So how can we do ihsan with parents in  speech? Surah Isra , verse 23 says : Waqullahuma qaulan Kareema.. and talk to them in an honourable manner. ..Dont' instruct them but request them. Respond them politey.  Correct them respectfully. This is what the Qur'an instructs us when it says: do not say even "UFF" to them. Even a harsh father of Prophet Ibrahim was responded by his son by the term " Yaa Abaati " O my dear father ". This  ihsan was  towards a father who is one of the biggest obstacle in his passion of Touhid. Compare this with our corrections of our parents who are  regular in salah and nice people!

     Even body language is a form of communication, isnt it? Looking harshly at parents can give you negative grades. Aisha r.a.a said : A man looking harshly at his father is not a man of rightous conduct ( In spite of his being a regular in the masjid, giving charity....)  Ibn Abbas said : Ihsan towards parents also include, not to shake one's clothes before them so as to prevent the dust from our clothers fall on them !

   Allah loves kindness to parents says a popular Hadith from Bukhari. But many of us exclude spending on parents . Let us check from the Qur'an : They ask you what should spend? Say : What ever  you spend  is good.. on parents.. So spending on parents is an act that qualifies you to stand in the ranks of those who  do Ihasan with parents. A father has right to spend the money of his son. This is an Islamic ruling with no second opinion. Today we run out of our money in buying expensive gadgets for our wives and kids, while our parents run short of money for their medicines.  Let me whisper one more thing.. wasting your parent's money is also a bad conduct towards them.

    Inspite of doing all these things have we really thanked our parents ? No not possible. Refer to Surha Luqman, verse 14 : In travail upon travail did his mother bear him.... means when we wereint he womb of our mothers she carried us with utmost care....and two years of weaning, says the verse..Can we carry our mother continuosly for 24 hours day and night? No. Then how do we  thank her? Since we are not able to return their obligation with Ihsan, with better conduct then they did to us,  so we continue doing best to them and yet leave the matter to Allah to reward them...Note this Qur'anic verse : (Pray for them ) My Lord ! Bestow on them your mercy as they cherished me in childhood...

   Author : Nisaar Nadiadwala

Monday, February 20, 2012

One Husband - 4 Wives?

Monday, February 20, 2012 - by Unknown · - 0 Comments

One Husband - 4 Wives?

How can you justify that a man can have four wives in Islam?
If you want to criticize us because we can have four wives, how many girlfriends can you have legally in the state of California? As many as you can fit in your car or your van I guess. There is no limit, you can go rent a bus.

But we have limits, we can not have more than one unless we treat them with the same equality.

When the order came, it came to people that had many wives, who had to divorce their wives because they couldn't treat them with equality and some of them had more than four. So it didn't come out as good news to them, it came as bad news, because they had to divorce wives.

And today, Muslims are the most monogamous of all people on the earth. And we don't practice polygamy. It is called polygyny, because a woman is not marrying 4 husbands or 5 husbands or 10 husbands. Why? Because Islam has rights and limitations.

When there's a baby born, a man has to be responsible to care for that baby financially, not the woman, the man is responsible for that baby, that’s his child and he is financially responsible for that child, yes or not? and when he dies, the inheritance goes for that child and how can it go to the child if the child doesn't know who his father is? If a woman has more than one husband, how does the child know which one is the father?

But watch this, there is another point, I want you to think about this: A man is limited because, in Islam, he can not marry a woman who is already married. So if you have a community of 100 women, 99 are married, you only got one to choose from, but a woman can be in a community with 100 men and all of them could be married and she could still choose from all of these men except those that already have 4 wives, and she has the advantage of knowing how he treats the other wives and she is assured by the Quran that she will receive the same good treatment

So the benefit is for the lady, not for the man, because every time a man takes a wife he takes on obligation, responsibility and he is ordered in the Quran, chapter 4, verse 34, that the men are the protectors, and providers, and maintainers of the women. Men have that responsibility but women don’t have to pay a dime from their money to support the household. If she is a millionaire and he is the garbage man, he still has to spend all from his to take care of her.

By the way, my wife makes more money than I do in real life. She has a baking thing she does at the house; and she makes cookies and things like this and at the end of every week she has more money than me, so I remind her, even though you don’t have to, Allah gives big, big, Ajr for giving Sadaqah to the poor. She racks up a lot of Ajr around our place, I tell you, Alhamdulillah.

So this is something important and many women, when they realize the high position they hold in Islam, they like it because they are treated like a queen. If somebody is going to treat you like a king, don't you like? So that's the next part of the verse, because of this, the woman is devoutly obedient to Allah, and certainly to her husband as well because look! “This man is really sacrificing for me. If I need anything for my health, for shelter, for clothing, for food or drink, education for my children, this man has to take care of all of it.” And even if she has a career, she can keep her money. This is why it is not important for a woman to go out and make any money anyway because she can keep it. When she inherits, all of it stays with her. This is why that when there is inheritance, the boy takes a bigger share than the girl because the boy turns around and spends it on the women, whereas she keeps hers. So there's something in Islam not called equality, it's called equity. Equality means everything is equal, well it's not equal.

In reality it's not equal. Does a man have a baby? I don’t think so, but a woman does. So the equity is that the man goes out and does the things that a woman is not able to do, especially at that time. And every month the woman has the time of the month, when things are harder for her and uncomfortable for her, and the man has the responsibility to care for her and it is not an option, it's an obligation.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Did Prophet Muhammad marry a 6 year old?

Friday, September 9, 2011 - by Unknown · - 0 Comments


Muhammad Married 6 Year Old Girl"  

Is It True?



Note:

1. This was not her age at marriage.
2. Her parents offered marriage of their daughter to Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him).

First of all, not all questions are fair. Sometime people put statements in the questions which are not true. Therefore, we have to clarify some facts before we go any further:
"Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him) did not marry Ayesha when she was only 6 years old. Her parents offered marriage as was customary in their culture at the time. However, the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) did not accept this and they waited a number of years before offering marriage to him again."

Next thing is, we have to understand that Islam is all about "Rights and Limits". The Quran clarifies what everyone's rights are and what the limits are as well.
It was through this matrimony of marriage to the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) that we found the example of the meaning of the limitations set forth in the fourth chapter of the Quran, entitled "The Women":
"O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will." -[Noble Quran 4:19]

Women around the world had no rights in those days and men knew no limits in their dealings with the women. One of the problems was that a man could marry off his daughter at any age and she could not refuse.
Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him) was offered the marriage to Ayesha by her father and mother on more than one occasion. Once when Ayesha was six, her mother summoned her into the house where she heard the proposal of marriage being offered by her father to his life long friend, Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him) as was the custom of the Arabs in those days. Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him) did not accept this offer at that time, even though it was customary for them, as she was not yet of age.

Note: her father is the one offering the marriage to his lifelong friend (Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him). The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) did not marry her and take her to his home at the time and she says she returned back to play outside.

Again - please note: they did not get married at all on this occasion

A few years later when she was old enough to marry according to Islam (she was able to bear children) she did accept the proposal of marriage and she did marry the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him).

We find that the girl must be old enough to have children and to be able to determine what her will is. The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) married her at the youngest age a girl can get married. That is, she was old enough to be considered eligible for marriage and having enough wisdom to make such a choice even at her young age.

Also, she was a virgin. This was to show Muslims about how to treat the young girls when they get married and not to rush into having sex with them until they are ready and fully prepared.

All of this is recorded in the Hadiths narrated by Ayesha herself in regard to the treatment that she received from the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him).

As a reward for her commitment to Allah and to Islam, Allah honored her in Surah an-Nur by clearing her of any suspicion of illegal sex with a companion, as some liars had charged against her. There were ten verses revealed in regard to this incident alone about Ayesha.

Allah Says:

“Verily! Those who brought forth the slander (against Ayesha) are a group among you. consider it not a bad thing for you. Nay, it is good for you. Unto every man among them will be paid that which he had earned of the sin, and as for him among them who had the greater share therein, his will be a great torment.

Why then, did not the believers, men and women, when you heard it (the slander) think good of their own people and say: "This is an obvious lie?"

Why did they not produce four witnesses? Since they have not produced witnesses; then with Allah they are liars.

Had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy unto you in this world and in the Hereafter, a great torment would have touched you for that whereof you had spoken.

When you were propagating it with your tongues, and uttering with your mouths that whereof you had no knowledge, you counted it a little thing, while with Allah it was very great.

And why did you not, when you heard it, say: "It is not right for us to speak of this. Glory be to You (O Allah) this is a great lie."?

Allah forbids you from it and warns you not to repeat the like of it forever, if you are believers.” [Noble Quran 24:11-21]

Ayesha was also given the distinct title of "Mother of the Believers" even though she never had a single child. Allah did honor her so much for her patience and dedication.

Finally, Ayesha, may Allah be pleased with her, tells us in her own words all about the offers of marriage from her father to the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) and of the actual marriage when it did take place years later. She also describes in glowing terms their engagement, marriage, life together and life after his death - all in the best of terms. She never said a single bad thing against her husband and described him as the best of men and the example of the Quran itself. She learned from him and passed on the most valuable knowledge of family relations in general and marriage in particular through her explanation of her own relationship of our Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him).

She tells of running races and playing together, enjoying sporting and competition events together, and mentions her personal intimacy with Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him) in the most wonderful terms. Her advice and instructions to both men and women regarding establishing and maintaining the best relationship between man and wife is still the best of counsel we find today.

As noted above, even Allah the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, has defended her honor and integrity in His Book. Her own account of marriage to Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him) and her many detailed descriptions of events and happenings before and during their marriage and her continued commitment to the memory of her husband and faith in their reuniting together in Paradise can only lead us to believe, in fact, this was indeed the best of marriages in human history.

A Comparison Between: The English Love Story "Romeo & Juliet" and Muslims Love Story of: "Muhammad & Ayesha"

Shakespeare could have done the western world a better service, instead of telling a story of two young teens sneaking around having an affair behind their parents backs, and then committing a double suicide - when they didn't get their way, in "Romeo and Juliet" -

Suppose he had told the true story of "Muhammad and Ayesha" - these were real people who believed in God and lived a blessed life on earth and will live together in Paradise - "Happily ever after."

Goodness only comes to those who are the true believers and only the bad reaches to those who are the disbelievers.

This life is but a test for all of us. And in the end, Allah will bring us all back in front of Him for the Judgment. Then the disbelievers will see what it was that they were denying and lying about.

We ask Allah to guide all the people and save us all, Ameen.

Sheikh Yusuf Estes


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